Strong But Stretched
The Hidden Weight of Capable Leadership
When Competence Carries a Cost
Leaders who hold it all together often do so invisibly.
They’re the ones who show up prepared, step into the gap, and carry complexity with grace. Not because it’s easy—but because they can.
And yet, beneath that capability can live a quieter truth: Holding it all can take its toll.
In schools today, the demands on leadership are relentless. From operational fire-fighting to strategic innovation, from safeguarding student wellbeing to fielding parental concerns—there is no shortage of need.
Many leaders rise to the challenge with courage and professionalism.
But over time, that very competence can carry a cost. The more capable you are, the more is asked of you. The more that is asked of you, the more you give.
Over time, and imperceptibly, this can lead to the slow erosion of energy, clarity, and joy that can come from always being the one who holds steady for everyone else.
The Invisible Load
In high-performing teams, it’s not always safe or normalized to name this load. School leaders are expected to be clear-headed, responsive, emotionally intelligent and endlessly available.. And many are. But even excellence has an edge.
You may recognize it in yourself:
The chronic hum of responsibility that never fully powers down.
The frustration of being needed in too many places at once.
The internal pressure to be thoughtful, composed, and kind—especially when you’re depleted.
The absence of space to be uncertain, or vulnerable , or to simply pause.
These are not signs of failure. They’re signs of leadership maturity bumping up against human limits. And it can only be sustained for so long.
“The most neglected aspect of leadership development is vertical development—advancing a person’s ability to operate in more complex, systemic, and interdependent ways.”
— Kegan & Lahey, An Everyone Culture
From Striving to Sustaining
The alternative is not to stop trying, or work harder, or become superhuman. It is to accept the notion that your human resources of energy, spirit, purpose are finite. They need and deserve to be managed, nurtured, and restored.
This is the practice of self-leadership—not as a personal improvement project, but as an act of stewardship.
At its core, self-leadership means tending to your internal resources with as much intentionality as you bring to your strategic work. It means having:
The emotional literacy to notice frustration or fatigue before it leaks out sideways.
The physical literacy to honor your energy system, its wisdom, and its need for rest and restoration.
The thought literacy to question the inner narratives that drive over-responsibility and perfectionism.
The relational literacy to name your needs with clarity and compassion.
The systems literacy to recognize when the load you’re carrying isn’t yours alone.
When leaders integrate these literacies into their daily rhythms, they make better decisions, recover faster from strain, and model the very coherence they hope to cultivate in others. Over time, this interior fluency becomes a fractal that replicates: sustaining the leader while uplifting the system.
A Leader’s Inquiry
Before the next week begins, try this quiet check-in:
“What am I carrying that no one sees—and what would it take to set it down, even briefly?”
Leaders who tend to themselves wisely are more able to serve, support, and sustain others—without losing themselves in the process. This is resourcefulness.
Continuing The Journey
The next post in this series—“Complexity and Competing Demands”—will explore how to prioritize wisely when everything feels urgent.
If this reflection resonates, the upcoming Self-Leadership for Educators cohort offers a structured space to build the interior capacities that keep strong leaders strong—on the inside.
With you in the work,
Bridget
